I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
