Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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