Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize