She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
