So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
