Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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