I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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