I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
