Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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