she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
