I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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