That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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