bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
