He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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