dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
