Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
