Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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