so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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