So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Mom said you looked used
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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