i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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