Pants 0. Shit 1.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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