So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
