You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
someone threw a dead crab at me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
