When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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