A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i now understand why vodka
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
