I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
