I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
