i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
