ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
