it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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