so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
