Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
