shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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