I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
