Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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