I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
