12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
