Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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