fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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