I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
