That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
