Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
