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well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
