Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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