me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
