we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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