...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
