he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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