Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
