He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
