Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
