My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
