sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize