someone threw a dead crab at me
there's paper in my vomit.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I want her autograph on my taint
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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