Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
