you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I know her cup size but not her name....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
