so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
