I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
