she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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