well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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