She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
