I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm bleeding and have questions
This toilet bowl is my home.
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