im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
