you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
