also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
