Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
