butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize