Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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