I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
