Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
