ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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