i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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