She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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